Anthony Santen Picture

Anthony Santen

S.A.C. Dip. (Adv. Psychotherapy) MCH CLC NLP

Sadness is a feeling, Grieving is a process.

We all feel sad at times when we're faced with disappointments and difficult circumstances. The pain of sadness can be complex. Sometimes difficult to overcome, sometimes difficult to let go. Sadness has a way of sticking to you.

Sadness is often associated with periods of loneliness and disconnection. This seems to be universal. It is a way for our brain to process the information which led to our sadness and to examine 'alternate endings', 'what if' scenarios and to start processing the new reality. In this way sadness is a part of the grieving process, yet the grieving process is more complex.

Grieving

We know we can grieve for loved ones who pass on, but we don't realize that we're grieving throughout our lives for various paths un-traveled. The loss of a job, the end of a relationship, etc.

Each time we imagine a future, we start to create a security around that future. We make plans and predictions based on this future. Our brain comes to rely on this future.

When this predicted future changes (even happy changes) we enter into a grieving process. The typical grieving process consists of the following interwoven parts:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Sadness or Depression
- Acceptance

The most important stages to work with is the Sadness or Depression stages, as this is where the healing takes place.

Amazing Brain

Our amazing brain has two main mechanisms for overcoming the realization of an un-lived future:
- Severance is when you 'leave a piece of yourself behind' to move forward, or soldier on. This process seems to be easier for some than for others, and unfortunately leaves your soul feeling like 'Swiss cheese'. We all know an older person who is a 'shell of their formal self' or seems so 'hollow inside'.
- Processing is when you re-evaluate every scenario you can think of, using every possible option. This process uses so much brain capacity that it often leads us to shut down into depression. In this way, depression is not the problem, depression is the symptom of a healing process caused by the problem. (and slowing down the healing process chemically only provides temporary escape, resulting in more problems down the road)

Our amazing brain, combines these mechanisms and with a little extra guidance, is very capable of overcoming your past and looking towards the future again.

Techniques / Process

I use various tools to help you through this process. No coping, no pills. You understand your thoughts and feelings and use them as a solid base to build your future.

Take the first step - Call me.